Read Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth By Melvin L. Smith,Ellen Van Oosten
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Ebook About You're trying to help--but is it working?Helping others is a good thing. Often, as a leader, manager, doctor, teacher, or coach, it's central to your job. But even the most well-intentioned efforts to help others can be undermined by a simple truth: We almost always focus on trying to "fix" people, correcting problems or filling the gaps between where they are and where we think they should be. Unfortunately, this doesn't work well, if at all, to inspire sustained learning or positive change.There's a better way. In this powerful, practical book, emotional intelligence expert Richard Boyatzis and Weatherhead School of Management colleagues Melvin Smith and Ellen Van Oosten present a clear and hopeful message. The way to help someone learn and change, they say, cannot be focused primarily on fixing problems, but instead must connect to that person's positive vision of themselves or an inspiring dream or goal they've long held. This is what great coaches do--they know that people draw energy from their visions and dreams, and that same energy sustains their efforts to change, even through difficult times. In contrast, problem-centered approaches trigger physiological responses that make a person defensive and less open to new ideas.The authors use rich and moving real-life stories, as well as decades of original research, to show how this distinctively positive mode of coaching—what they call "coaching with compassion"--opens people up to thinking creatively and helps them to learn and grow in meaningful and sustainable ways.Filled with probing questions and exercises that encourage self-reflection, Helping People Change will forever alter the way all of us think about and practice what we do when we try to help.Book Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth Review :
I have been in business for about 31 years, of which 28 years were in various levels of management, anywhere from a small sales team leadership all the way upto regional senior management roles for multinational teams of large global companies. During all those years, naturally, I have tried various management methods, which usually depend on the outdated control based management approaches. 2 years ago, I went through an extensive coaching programme to extend my management capabilities with this approach. I am currently working for a small software company, where I am responsible for a group of 30 young professionals. Frankly speaking, it was only when I read this book, which truly clicked somethings inside me. I can now see and believe how coaching can truly inspire one’s own growth and change process. I started with the audible version, then switched to the Kindle version of the book. At first, the concept of coaching with compassion, the PEAs, NEAs didnt make much sense to me. Then I went to Youtube and found out some video clips of R.Boyatzis’ expanding on the matter. His explanations with neuro-science related evidences of how human brain works when exposed the positive emotional attractors versus negative emotional attractors sounded quite simple but very convincing. Then I found some podcasts of R.Boyatzis, where he explained how coaching with compassion can make the difference, really moved me towards more interest because the group I am managing desparately need to change, but somehow couldnt. I then finished the audible version and polished all my learnings with the hard copy version. So, I’ve completed the full cycle and directly went into the practice. I’ve seen some amazing results to prove all of his points to the level that Boyatzis and his co-authors seemed to have created a long awaited final touch to the field of coaching. By the way, you dont need to buy all three versions to realise this. I was just so excited that I wanted to cover all the grounds to make sure I soak up the full knowledge.I think that this book comes with a simple but revolutionary method that truly makes the art of coaching to excell in the area of helping people truly change. Furthermore, the book also lays out the blueprint to the culture change in whereever you apply this approach. In my view, listening R.Boyatzis’ own words thru the podcasts and Youtube videos definitely enhanced my understanding and made me see the full picture. In summary, I highly recommend this book to all coaches, managers and leaders of all kinds to expand their knowledge with very simple but crucial piece of knowledge that R.Boyatzis and his co-authors provide after decades of valuable works. It is through this book that you get to learn the real dynamics behind people’s voluntary change process. You can apply the learnings of this book anywhere in life, from home to multinational giant companies. There are many good ideas that may be of lifechanging tools for those who wants to touch on people’s lives through their journey of change and thrive. If I am to suggest one thing to the authors that would be to add a workbook section, may be as a continuum of this book with practical tools, such as coaching worksheets with alternate questions. This is defintely a very valuable reference book in my personal library. If you want to be a more inspiring person or a better leader, if you want to attract—and keep—the millennial generation in your workplace, this science-backed book is the replacement for the ultimately ineffective One Minute Manager of the last century. But organizations, therapists, coaches, pastors, and helpers who counsel others will also find a valuable resource in these 200 pages. It also works as a self help book. In fact the authors point out that in order to help someone else to enable lasting change, you need to do the same self care and homework that you encourage your clients, family, or staff to do. The research (including functional MRI brain scans) shows that in order to make behavioral change lasting, you have to accentuate the positive over the negative; people shut down when they feel blame and judgement from the rational mind, and it’s the emotions that rule behavior. Instead of triggering the stress hormones that come from the rational mind and the sympathetic nervous system, you need to engage the parasympathetic nervous system—the creative mind—and engage the hormones of creativity more often. It's not a balance of equals: the carrots must outnumber the sticks, the praise must come more often than the threats, or change won't last. It’s still a version of threats and rewards, fear and love, carrots and sticks, but now we know they work better if they’re inner driven, not imposed. You can’t motivate from the top down, or force people to change from the outside in, as sages have been saying for millennia—and now there’s research to prove it. For a university press book, there’s surprisingly little jargon, though the aforementioned carrots and sticks are called Positive Emotional Attractors and Negative Emotional Attractors. (Obligatory acronyms of PEA and NEA.) There are helpful sidebars and anecdotal stories, with plenty of science cites in the notes. Anyone willing to do the work of reading and inner investigation will come away knowing how to engage with people on a core level in order to truly help—though you’ll have to do the action steps in order to be effective. Highly recommended. 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